Friday morning
It’s about 5am I had a bad dream, my best friend walked out of a room naked talking to me whilst I was sitting down. My boyfriend was in a glasses room a foot up from me staring at her as she turned flaunting herself wanting to be noticed knowing he was looking. I looked up he saw me and did that embarrassed laugh smile of his.  I told him I didn’t want to see him for a bit I was so upset and that he thought it was funny. I went to her she was in the kitchen and told her our friendship was over. As I slept I could feel myself in the dream becoming so angry shouting at her. My aunty rings i say all is fine then she appears in our old house with my and grandmother. She starts shouting I said come here as I didn’t want them to hear, she just kept talking. I said come here or I’ll kill u or myself she wouldnt stop then all I remember is walking up shouting aaahhhhhhhhhh! he wakes me and that’s that.  
It’s never happened to me before in 27 yrs. what does it mean? 

My b/f day off I spent the whole day depressed never happened before with him.i felt sorry for him having to see me like that, I just couldn’t snap out of it. 
I’ve watched twilight series films I don’t know 4 times these past few days. I’ve googled them to see their relationship and they are lucky and seem happy. 
It’s strange knowing that people can have and reach so much in life then there’s me who is told life could be worse, I know it could be but it could also be so much better, amazing even. Yet I haven’t a clue how to reach for anything at the moment. I’m not eating, I’ve lost weight, I feel weak, my head hurts as I’m not eating I have only pasta in the house. I haven’t done any washing or cleaning. I feel so low it’s unreal. 
I stared crying uncontrollably infront of him.Then I was angry with my aunt so I started swearing uncontrolably and arguing with her on phone.  
I want to feel that intense closeness and connection with a guy, that we share the same interests or at least try new ones. That I want to be intimate with him and desire him. To feel passion and alive and excitement for life agai . Ive been reading the book from pia mellody intimacy factor. It helps . Today is the first day in a week that I have eaten a proper meal while on my own and cooked it.